It's funny

I know I haven't written about my feelings in a while, but it seems things are coming to a head again... I find it funny that the friends I've made for games on Facebook are better friends then the ones I have in real life at times. My boy had to cancel on me twice in one day and it left me pretty depressed and that led me to notice that my "real life friends" aren't even friends anymore, the only time they seem to communicate with me is when they want something for their Facebook games... I mean really that's it. They never text or call, or even IM me when they see me on. A supposed "friend" only wants to hang out when he wants something I'm not willing to give and it's been steadily ticking me off to no end. I'm sorta projecting on the poor man and it made me vent to a friend the wrong words and feelings. I mean the insecure part of me does feel that maybe he's not as into me as I thought he was, but all he did was get real busy this week... He did promise that next Sat would be our day. Have I let my emotions get far too involved already? Could he just be using me to get a lot of attention? Am I reading too far into all this?

This is what goes round and round in my head when he doesn't respond to my texts or rushes off of our phone calls and says he'll text me later or call back but doesn't and I have to get his attention again... I did tell him I wanted to take this super slow, but it seems my subconscious is wanting to rush things and I'm not sure what to do about it. I fear talking to him to about these things because I don't want to drive him away.

But back to the friends. It really sucks that when I was at MJC, they always wanted to talk and do things, but then again most of them don't have cars and I tended to play chauffeur just to get their attention... I think that shows just what they thought of me if now that I'm not there to do those things, they don't talk to me anymore... I'm thinking I need to just delete them and get it over with. I mean it's not like they notice what I post anyway. It's the craziest thing that my getting dumped by my ex showed me just who my real friends are. And sadly that's not many. It seems the rumors a certain ex-friend are now spreading have set root and people are more apt to believe her then to look at the person they have been friends with for years. It also goes to show how intelligent they really are. People who will believe rumors over the person they know really don't have intelligence no matter what their grades, articulation, and conversational abilities are and that truly saddens me because it means the future of this nation (The US) and the world in general is pretty much screwed royally due to this being the people who are going to run it in a few years.

Recap

So I've had 2 exams. I got a C on both which is great given how sick I've been because of the infection in my jaw from having my last wisdom tooth pulled. I think I may have done even better had I not been ill while studying lol but I am glad for my grades ^_^ Ok, this post is short, I'm tired and have had a very very long day.

Loves to all

and if you read, follow me publicly and comment!!!!

It's funny...

It's funny how life can change so quickly. My boy did indeed come down last night but it was much later then we thought it would be. I had gone into town to hang with a friend of mine at a local pub where she was going to wait for her BF to get off work at 2 AM. Out of the kindness of this man's heart he didn't have an issue with us staying until her BF got off work and then he took me out to a late dinner/ early breakfast. It was wonderful.

I spent all Sunday on cloud nine ^_^ And that cloud got even higher when I saw he had made a comment about last night on his Facebook! I was so stoked!!! We've texted each other a bit but he's working today so it's not easy to text at work, trust me, I know.

Church was great. We had such wonderful lessons and the Linger Longer was awesome Baked Potato for dinner! Great! I did get to listen to talk given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks about tolerance and what it means in the LDS church. For us, it's about not trying to be overly righteous to people who don't share out beliefs but still being able to stand up for what we believe when the time calls for it and that is a truly great thing to hear. Read his words here. I found them to be great and inspiring words. This man is a man of God and a truly faithful servant.

Quick thought.

Just a quick little blurb... if you are reading my blog, please let me know. I love to hear from readers, I've noticed a recent spike in readers and would love to meet/hear from you all ^_^

So....

So the potential Beaux is going to try to come down...again, this will make it attempt number 4 I believe... I really hope it works out this time. I'm not driving up there again. I don't have the gas, nor the cash to do that very often. >.<

Just some thoughts...

Today gave me a good scare. I tend to go out to the local card shop every Friday as it's Friday Night Magic and I play that game as well as D&D and usual the night goes great, but tonight I got the crap scared out of me by the local street racers speeding through the parking lot. It was so bad I had to call the police and we couldn't leave for about a half hour. Every time either me or one of my friends would get near our cars, one of the street racers would start peeling out and one of them nearly hit my poor car and my friend's BMW. Now, I'm not rich and neither is he, he just got a great deal on the bloody car and decided to spring for it since he had the money. Needless to say once the cops showed up, the four of us fled while we could and while it was safe for us to do so. I drove all the way home white-knuckling it, because my nerves were so fried from the scare. I mean, all I did was walk near my car to put my MTG cards in the back seat and my gaming back in the front passenger seat and these guys leaped into their car and began to peel out and do doughnuts around the parking lot, keeping us from leaving and nearly plowing into my car, my friend's BMW and a parked Mustang.... I was terrified. I nearly cried and I'm not much of a person to cry really.

what scares me isn't that these people are doing this, it's that they think it's ok to do in a public area and where there are kids running around as there is an IN N OUT burger in that same parking lot. That's what scares me and the fact that they don't seem to care that there are other cars in this parking lot that aren't part of their little illegal group. I want to make this very very clear... DRAG RACING IN MODESTO CALIFORNIA IS A FELONY!!!!!!!!!!! These kids need to be arrested and put away for this crap! Their precious little cars need to be impounded permanently and sold to people who aren't drag racers or junked for parts! I'm sick of this crap happening and people getting hurt because these morons can't behave in normal society. Maybe if they were actually punished for this crap instead of just chased off it might stop in the area...


Ok my dear readers, I'm done for the night.

I have the weirdest thoughts

I have the weirdest thoughts at times I swear.

I'm sitting here watching another Vlogger about Islam and it's pretty interesting. But it made me think since I am in the dating scene and she met her husband the way I met my potential beaux only on a different site how strange it can be that people can meet and fall in love by talking on a screen and over the phone or via video chat... It just seems a bit weird seeing my boy is only a couple of cities away from me.

I'm actually kinda scared that I am dating again. It's frightening to think I'm putting my heart out again to potentially be broken, shattered, crushed or just plain abused. So far my boy doesn't seem to be like that though. He's been nothing but sweet, willing to go at my pace and has been putting up with my lunacy so calmly it's amazing!! Ok, lunacy over lol

Not the best day...

Today wasn't the best day really. I woke up to my phone acting squirrelly and my phone provider refusing to be cooperative about the issue. Then I was late for school and therefore didn't get to do all the reading I needed for my first class of the day. Then it was my Sex Crimes and Gender Issues in Criminal Justice, and then I had to zip up to the Dentist and get my infection looked at, the good news is it's doing fine.

After zipping out to the dentist I had to zip home and then up to the Metro store to growl at them. They "solved" the issue with my phone. It's working... for now. Still don't think I should have to pay for what they messed up but oh well.

Next was rushing back to Turlock for school and trying to eat since I had an exam and then another class. That was fun. Only ate about 4/5th of the food, but it was enough. Exam was ok, then I had to rush through some last minute homework for my last class of the day. >.< I HATE rushing my homework!!!!

So now I'm home and hoping to relax but I have a lot of homework and my potential Beaux is wanting to come down to visit as well >.< I really hate feeling rushed. This wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to work tomorrow.

On the upside I've had a good day emotionally and my wisdom tooth infection is looking great! Post more later. I don't like to post blogs about more then one subject if I can help it. I would rather post multiple blogs in one day.

Scary Day

So for the last week I've been in extreme pain. I had my last wisdom tooth pulled. However a piece of garlic got into the socket and caused it to become infected. This gave me dry socket. The means a lot of pain for me and a lot of sleepless nights. The dentist treated it and sent me home to rest for day, however what he uses to treat the infection and help heal the wound leaves a near constant taste of cloves in my mouth... joy....

Interesting two days

Yesterday was interesting. So was today. I've spent the last couple of days looking at and viewing videos done by Muslims and learning what I can about their faith from their perspective. It has been interesting to learn from women why they wear the Hijab and why some men who practice Islam wish to marry a woman who wears the Hijab. This is interesting given many women in the LDS church won't even give a young man the time of day if he hasn't served a mission. Though in the case of the Hijab, some men will make an exception if it is her choice not to wear one. Many women in the church won't and sadly this hurts and discourages young men who don't have the funds to go on a mission or those who have converted too late to go on one. It's saddening to see these poor Brothers in Christ turned away because of something out of their control.

I've learned so much these last couple of days, not just about Islam, but a bit about myself. Since the Sunday before last, I've had to come to terms with the fact I can't be in therapy anymore. It's going to be strange not to have someone to talk with every week about the goings on in my life that isn't actually apart of my life. But I think I may be ready. I mean, I have you my readers as a bit of therapy. It's very therapeutic to write all my inner thoughts and feelings down and know that maybe someone is reading them. Even if no one does, it's nice to write things down and keep a memory of them as well.

Ten years ago today...

Ten years ago today, I was a high school freshman sitting in my English class watching in horror as one of my nation's landmarks came crumbling to the ground. I remember my English teacher saying the office said that if we didn't feel safe or wanted to go home to be with our families we could. I immediately became enraged at the though. I even called the students who raised their hands cowards for caving into what the terrorists wanted from us. They wanted us to flee to the "safety" of our homes. What they didn't expect was for us to fight back. And we still fight back to this day. Ten years later, I haven't forgotten nor will I ever allow myself to forget. No one attacks my home land with out getting a good old fashioned Scottish Ass-Whopping!

Thoughts

So this week has been more uncomfortable then others. I've had to read chapters in class about things that brought back horrid memories, get my last wisdom tooth pulled, and trying this whole dating thing and realizing I'm not so great at it. In fact, I'm quite terrified of it to be honest. I don't want to get hurt again, nor do I want to be alone forever. I'm pretty much stuck between a rock and a hard place with this one. Trying to balance not losing my heart to quickly with this young man I'm talking with along with school, work, and friends hasn't made getting over my fright of being hurt any easier. The church doesn't want me in therapy anymore. They say if I still need it, I can use the therapists at school unless I start to get worse... again. I don't plan on back tracking. I've worked hard to get my eating disorder under control. And I don't plan on letting it get that bad again. My health is finally getting better even with the scare on my liver.


I'm finally getting down to the weight that I want to be, though the DR wants me to get down to 119 pounds. I just want a flat tummy and I'll be happy. For me it's not about begin a certain size, it's about having the figure I want and that figure happens to have a flat tummy and maybe still be full sized.


Idk, I think I'm way to tired to keep thinking this in-depth. I'm off to sleep for the night or at least relax with some Highlander.

Long Day

Long day today. Had work. That was enjoyable (sarcasm). Though FHE was great! We BBQed, had a great lesson, and I got to pick up all my yarn and knitting stuff!!! I am so happy!! I even got to pick up a lace project I hadn't been able to work on for well over a year and I was able to pick the pattern up immediately like I hadn't missed working on it for over a year. Reading about domestic violence for school is difficult. It brings back a lot of unwanted memories, but they are now to the point that I can think of them and not begin to panic or have flash backs. Now it's on to History of Criminal Justice...

Long time, no Post....

It's been a while since I posted and a lot has happened. I've gotten a permanent home, started school, gotten 3 out of 4 wisdom teeth pulled, started the whole dating thing, and I'm still working. This has been a crazy month or so for my health as well. I've spent a total of 2 trips to the ER again. Once for something to do with my chest and another time for a mark on my arm. Both turned out ok and aren't much to worry about. School is pretty nuts already. I'm having to read tons of chapters for school. This week in one class we are discussing women as the victims of crime, particularly in sex crimes and domestic violence...this is just what I need to read about given my past. (I just rolled my eyes). Any way, back to the grind of studying...