Revelations

I'm slowly beginning to realize just how much the people I call friends suck as friends. I put out a call for help and the only person who responds I've never met in person. And yet the people I call friend in real life have excuse after excuse as to why they can't help but get pissy and whiney when I can't help them claiming they help me all the freaking time. Maybe I need to look at getting new friends at this rate...

Exaustion

So after taking two days to write the last post. I realized just how mentally exhausting it was to write. Not because I had to think, but because I had to relive things to write about them again. It's hard enough to think of bad memories but to write them for the world to see is difficult in its own right. But it has also hampered other creative paths in my life. I've found myself not wanting to write in my novels nor in my short stories either. Maybe my brain is just too tired to try for a bit.


Serin out

Dear Dog

I'm writing this post as a letter to Dog the Bounty Hunter since I just finished his book.


Dear Dog,

Reading your book, Where Mercy is Shown, Mercy is Given had to be one of the best experiences I've had while reading. I had a lot reflection of my own life as I read your words. How you kept talking of trying to over come and learn from your mistakes and yet people were always there to remind you of them. That is something I know all to well in my own life. Granted I never made mistakes that landed me in jail, but I did make ones that lead me down a much harder road then I should have had to travel and still travel at the time I am writing this. Towards the end of the book really was when I started to see things that made me really think. I grew up in a family that was more then just broken, it was shattered.

My grandmother made the mistake of marrying the man that got her pregnant at 18. She had two more children with him while putting up with his abuse. After a few years she finally got rid of him. She spent the next years working between 2 and 3 jobs to support my mom, aunt, and uncle while they grew up. My mom and her siblings threw it back in her face by all getting hooked on drugs or booze or both. Each one of her children destroyed their lives in one way or another. My aunt was a drop out on all sorts of drugs. My mom as 18 and pregnant with me while addicted to drugs. And my uncle, well he graduated as far as I know but he was an alcoholic and on drugs as well.


My mom had me and after a series of men had 3 more children by the time I was 9. She had already been in jail for a felony by the time I was 5. She didn't really take the greatest care of us. As my therapist has said, she did the bare minimum for us in every way, even food wise. At 8 my grandmother got a hold of me and made sure I stayed on the right path, but the years of mental abuse from my mom and her many boyfriends, along with the neglect and mental abuse she gave had left it's toll. At the age of 9, I had a serious case of PTSD. I started to heal up over the next few years until my mom popped back into my life as though the last 4 years had never happened and she was the world's greatest mom. This brought it all back with a speed so fast my head nearly came off. Needless to say at 12 I was in for a long rough road. I spent the next 3 years struggling to return to some bit of normalcy. I never partied, never drank. I was a good girl in always but school work. Still managed to pass classes, but not with the grades I could have. Just shy of my 15th B-day I was sexually assaulted. This set me back yet again. It was 2 years before I could really handle anything with guys. I made the mistake of marry the first man to make me feel special, wanted, and loved. I followed in the family footsteps so to speak in retrospect.


3 years of an abusive marriage in where no blows were ever physically landed, but many were mentally, emotionally, and sexually is enough to break any woman, but some how like always I survived. Granted he did have an affair and did divorce me, but I see it as my escape and chance to grow, heal, and become who I've always wanted to be. I met my ex-boyfriend through a mutual friend and while he never abused me. We didn't ever have the normal fights or mile stones a relationship had. 2 years later, it was over and I was left to pick up the pieces of my life. In the course of this 5 year struggle I did achieve one great thing. I became the first person in my family to attend and graduate college. Though only with an AA as I am now moving on for my BA so I can get my JD.

That's where I am now. Picking up the pieces of my life and trying to move on. I've got myself in therapy so I can learn to leave all this pain behind. That's what your book has helped me to see, just how far my holding on to my past had held me back. I've held onto every scar and hurt like a large blanket around my shoulders. Holding on to this pain has slowed down my education and following my dreams. I'm working on letting go and moving on. Your book has helped me see that and has helped me have the courage to really work on and my own insecurities.

I wanted to say thank you for such an inspiring book and glance into your life and your family. I hope one day to give you this letter and let you read just how much you have changed one person's life without ever having met them. I look forward to the day that I may get the chance to give you this letter and hopefully it will be when I have healed and gotten far in my life so that I can stand tall and with pride in front of you. You are a hero to me and so is Beth for surpassing her struggles as well. I send you well wishes and good thoughts for your who lives and that of your family.

With all the love of a sister,

Serin kNight

Readings and Musings

From middle class to homeless and the fight to survive

Read this interesting article today and it seriously opened my eyes to the plight facing the US today. More and more people who are hard working people are finding themselves with out homes and a way to survive. The woman this article features is about my age and that truly saddens me to no end. And yet I just saw on the news how we, the US are leaping to the aid of foreign countries when we can't even solve our own economic issues. This is a very sad day for me given that she, like so many others have so much to offer and the government has done nothing to fix it.

I'm also reading a book by Dog the Bounty Hunter and it's very fascinating to me since it's his second book and more focused on his life now that he has his show and the ups and downs it's caused for him and his family.

Latenight dullness

So I'm sitting on the couch relaxing after a day involving a root canal, and having to endure the pain for a while. Now I'm sitting here with glitchy internet trying to chat with a friend and read my news! The inability to do both kinda makes me annoyed and bored since I have to choose one or the other.

Also getting sick of bureaucracy, I have to wait 10 business days for my transcripts! And since the budget is shit for my Junior College, Fridays no longer count! So I went from 2 weeks to 2 and half weeks! This is going to cut things EXTREAMLY close to registration time for the university that needs those transcripts so they can accept me >.<

I know money is hard but when schools do this, they put their students under a lot of undue stress and fear that only makes schooling that much harder. The job market right now blows and Community/Junior College lay offs are only going to make things harder on the people leaving university at this point and it's not right for the Government to force them to do this since most schools are very much in the black right now money wise on this schooling level.


Serin out

Reading

So I've been reading about this Tiger mom thing and I have to say the woman is nuts! No matter what she says her kids are not well adjusted! They no nothing of how to relax and have fun! Nor did they get the chance to date and explore while growing up. Now they have to do all that as adults and have the emotional growth markers at a time when they are suppose to be learning about being an adult. This is the insanity that makes kids into horrid bosses and co-workers.


I've also been reading stuff in the news about things going on in my city and I hope it settles down. Though I am moving a city down it will always be my home town. No, I won't ever say where I come from exactly since this blog is ment to be a place to express myself with out locals figuring out who I am. That being said, I can freely say I'm from California and that's about it.


Serin out

Blah

It's been an interesting week that's for sure. Got my teeth cleaned and then I find out I have a root canal on monday >.< Then there was work. 2 plus hours of driving spaced between 3 stores while trying to find things in said store to pull out like they should have been a week ago... I really hate stupid people but this was ridiculous these displays should have been done before I got there. I shouldn't have had to hunt them down and build them on my own! Blah I'm done. I have to go fix someone's laptop....

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First Post

So today was interesting... Got to talk to the therapist for an hour long rant about nutrition and other crazy things before heading off to see a house I may move into. Got to get a letter from a certain some one and then apply to live there tomorrow. Hope I get in. I love the house!

Also going to the dentist tomorrow to get my teeth cleaned >.< Really not looking forward to that one. I hate the dentist and having my mouth poked repeatedly with a sharp pointy object. Plus I hate being lectured about my diet.

Also hoping to finnish getting into the university I applied to! I just need to give them a set of paper work. ^_^ Can't wait!