She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matthew-fray/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288.html

Economic Abuse

This was my exhusband when we were married. I was constantly told I was selfish for spending funds on things such as my life saving medications and femenine essentials. He kept such a tight leash on the money that when we split, I had exactly 32 bucks in my checking account. Come to find out, he was blowing money on the stock market off credit cards while I was sleeping and using MY paychecks to pay them off in secret out of our joint checking account that I had no access to.

This came about because our temple marriage prep class actually ENCOURAGED the men to take control of ALL household funds and dole out money to the wives to pay the bills and get the household things. It TOLD the husbands to handle all the funds and not "worry" the wives with the troubles of dealing with the banks as it could be too stressful for us while working towards having children.

I have a vice grip on my money now and refuse to allow my fiance access, he has his account, I have mine and never shall the two meet. We each take a few bills and pay them ourselves while telling the other when we need help to make a payment or to get something. Generally, if one doesn't have the money, the other does.


economic abuse

GRR!!!!

I do see a problem with special interest groups. The ones that I see to be a problem are mostly those who seek the shove religion down the throats of the American populous under the guise of freedom and tax concerns. An example of this would be the ruling for Hobby Lobby. To me, it wasn't about the company having a religious view point, or In-n-Out Burgers would have been in the law suit as well given they are owned by deeply religious people as well.

This can cause a problem because it begins to blur the line that is suppose to be finite between church and state. There seems to be this belief that the US was founded on Christian ideals when it wasn't and that is expressly stated that church and state shall be separate. Once special interest groups are made, they can reek havoc on rulings and the political field for years to come. Hobby Lobby's suit caused part of the ACA to be rewritten so that even if employers won't pay for there is an insurance that will and employers can't stop employees from using it.



http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/07/10/white-house-birth-control_n_7771004.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/27/magazine/what-the-hobby-lobby-ruling-means-for-america.html?_r=0
http://www.streetlaw.org/en/landmark/cases/roe_v_wade
http://scholar.google.com/scholar_case?case=12334123945835207673&q=Roe+v.+Wade,+410+U.S.+113+(1973&hl=en&as_sdt=2006&as_vis=1

I am getting too old for this

My job is really trying. I work with autistic kiddos and help them learn how to interact with the world in a way we deem acceptable. Such as asking for things and understanding that they can't scream and throw a fit when they are told no.

This is a trying thing to do as many of these kiddos don't grasp that they can still be told no, even if they ask nicely. They don't get that the person still has the right to say no. For them they only understand that saying please gets their way and when it doesn't, the world doesn't quite make sense.

I can handle my job. I can handle these kiddos. What I can't handle is a company that is not on the ball when it comes to assigning cases. I have been out of work for nearly three weeks now. My last client pulled services because of HQ's behavior in the middle of July. I was promised a new client by the time the second pay period began. That pay period has come and gone. In that space they tried to force a client that would cause me to have to drive over 300 miles a week for less than 12 hours a week worth of work. I stood my ground and drew the line. Then with out notification, I had two clients dropped on me in my area that I can make easily and they total 12 hours a week for pay. I technically make more on Unemployment than I would be making for this company. I find it highly suspect that these clients magically get assigned to me when just last Friday they swore they didn't have any clients in town and yet there are job postings of a need for more people in my town to do the job I'm doing from the exact same company.

This bugs me because it shows a lack of professionalism. If there aren't clients in the town you are hiring from, don't post the job like there is work in the town. Make it clear that people will driving upwards of 100 miles a week for pay that's less than most people get while working at McDonald's. The part that freaks me out the most is that I was part of a hiring pool of 13 people in April and there are only 2 of us left. That means that this company has fired or forced 11 people to quit in less than 6 months. That is a turn over rate that my mind just can't calculate. It makes me wonder just how well this company has been put together and how in the bloody hell it's survived this long.

The truth

I am a depressed person and I am sick of fucking always hearing that I just need therapy or to be fucking happy or reminded that I am in a mood. No one wants to help for real. The only help ever offered is to pass me onto a doctor or to ask a doctor to stuff me with meds. 

No one wants to help not really. Not even those who say they love me. It's about doing the bare minimum needed in order to alleviate guilt. 

I sit here struggling just to survive while I watch all my friends swim in success... I spend hours looking for a new job that will pay a livable salary and yet I have friends who have jobs and cushy living situations just fall into their laps. 

My health is spiraling downward while everyone else seems to be getting all they want with so very little effort. Someone I call a friend has a cushy job they do not appreciate.

The lack of appreciation for what they have is what bothers me the most. The constant complaining of how they are still lacking in some way while simultaneously posting about how they are out and about doing things like getting tattoos and going to concerts and such.

I always make an attempt to thankful for what I have, even though my anxiety tells me it's not enough to keep me going. I think that's where the anger comes from, the blatant disregard for what they already have. The same friend who got the windfall, had a nearly brand new car paid off free and clear and she still went out and bought a 20k truck because her new fuck toy wanted to have a truck for them to go have fun in. Now she complains that she wants to get a new stereo in both cars, a new alarm, AND Bluetooth for both cars.

Bottom line is I wish she would just step back and be happy with what she has. She has a house, a car, a dog, a life, and her bills are guaranteed to be paid for god knows how long. I just wish people who can't be thankful could live where things are actually shitty.

I Am

I am loud, I am brash, I speak directly and don't believe in beating around the bush. I don't sugar coat things that don't need to be. 

I am an unrepentant liberal/socialist. I believe that it's no one's business, but my own what I do with my body and the same for everyone else.

 I think the rich are too rich and the poor are too poor, that there needs to be a redistribution of wage and money. 

I think that the rich need to be taxed at a HUGE percentage and ALL that money needs to be spent on those who need it most, with absolutely NO tax breaks for the rich or businesses. 

I think rapists need to be treated like terrorists and that the focus of all crimes in the news should be on the victims and their families NOT the people who commit the crime.

I think Muslims are awesome people with a bad rep and that conservatism is the greatest threat to this country and freedom. 

I believe that marriage is between consenting adults gender need not matter. I will NEVER back down from defending what I believe. 

I will post what I want about my beliefs and I will never remove them. I welcome open peaceful dialogue and enjoy debate. 

I will NOT tolerate hate speech nor will I allow comments that serve nothing but to inflame those around the post.

Depressed

It's hard to see others succeed when you work so hard and see such little result for all the effort. I sit and watch those around me do very well and yet my life seems to sit stagnant and without change. I have struggled for so long in life and fought tooth and nail for all I have and yet all around me I see people who work half as hard and they get all they want in life and then some.

People constantly say life isn't fair, but how is it that hard work and effort can be so over looked while, bare minimum gets rewarded with grander and praise?

I have asked this of myself many times when I see those around me being rewarded greatly for little to no work and simply out of sympathy.

I have even attempted to count my blessings so to speak and it always makes me feel worse then when it all began.

Counting ones blessings only works if one has great blessings to count. Oh sure, there are the standard ones, living, breathing, having a home and a car. But those blessings are squashed when the person counting realizes that they only have a home to live in because someone is willing to rent a room to them and that the car they are supposedly blessed to have constantly needs work or has a leak that has to be watched. Life isn't worth living if one always has to solve problem after problem and wonder constantly when the rug is going to pulled out from under them.

Being told to count ones blessings by someone who has blessings in life they didn't have to work for is a slap in the face. It's like rubbing salt into a wound that can never ever close.


The LDS church is always out to convert the poor but appears to do very little to really lift the poor up. Having people who have money constantly remind others that they need to look and act a certain way to fit in doesn't help solve the problem. If a church is going to convert the poor and then expect them to magically be able to dress and act like them without help, then they are in the wrong business.

Growing up poor in the church, especially in ones teens is a cruel thing. You see the teens around you in nice clothes, aways able to have the nice things, parents buying them cars, parents getting them jobs and letting them live with them through college rent free. This creates a selfish culture that doesn't help the poorer members want to stay. When a poor child grows up watching the "better" children get all the things that they want with very little nay-say, it creates a feeling of being something "less" and that feeling gets further reenforced when the "Better" children grow and get everything for free as well.

Being a poor young adult in the church isn't any better. It's a stark reminder of how "less" a poor convert is when the "better" born in members talk about how cool it is they get to live at home while going to college and always talking about trips while the "Lesser" poor member has to work through college and pay all their own bills and constantly get left out because of such duties. The "better" members have connected parents who can get them the good jobs easily and this leaves the "lesser" poor members to flounder and be excluded.

When you grow up like this photo above, always wondering if you have enough to cover everything necessary while struggling so hard for the basics to live, it hurts to have to see the photos below week after week after week. 

The church does nothing to help the least of it's members with out requiring something in exchange, even if it interferes with their current job. The church doesn't actually help the member in need to find a better job through networking, they just set up a standard job hunting website like everyone else.

Rant Time

So how is that a college graduate with a decent GPA and awesome letters of recommendations can't get a job?!

Particularly when the posting says very few people have applied for said position. Most of these companies cannot even give people the courtesy of sending a letter saying that someone else was chosen.

People end up wondering what it was they did wrong or what was wrong with their resume.

What ever happened to courtesy in the job hunting world!?

just a short prayer...

My job interview is in less than 48 hours. I pray to God I get this job. He knows I need this to get my life on the proper track. I pray his will is in the path of mine and this job is my path in this next stage of my life.

Taking a deep breath...

I finally have the room to take a deep breath. For once in my life things seem calm outside of my job.


The BF is starting school and quickly realizing he has to really focus if he wants to pass a class with only 5 weeks of instructions. He seems to be taking it well. He is excited about getting a chance to do something with his life other then work at Wal-mart and play video games.

I didn't get the car. It had a bad battery and they were trying to get me to use a questionable lender to get the loan for the car. I know that the economy sucks but these people are preying on people who have no choice but to go to them out of sheer desperation to get a car for living and they want to milk you for everything you are worth! It's very much not right and the laws should be far more strict. Doesn't help a particular friend has figured out what's going on and has decided to try to talk me out of it. I have enough issues with spending money and NOT freaking out...

SWEET!!!!

So I got all my grades back

All I have to say is awesome!!! I can't believe I did so well!!!!!! I was so stoked and my BF was so happy he made me a totally awesome diner of top sirloin and veggies that weekend! It was awesome!


My bankruptcy is almost over! Thank goodness! I've got one more court thing to go and I am home free. Though, this is about whether or not I have to pay the filing fee or not. I've got the income requirements and so long as they don't count my school money I should be in the clear for that as well. I'm looking forward to not having to filter calls from people I don't know that's for sure.

On the other plus side I might be getting a new car! I found a place willing to work with me if I can get a couple pieces of paper from the court. THe paper I need is just something that says when my bankruptcy will be discharged and that should be it. I seriously hope I can walk off that lot with a new car. It won't be too new though, it's a 2005 Toyota Prius for about 10 grand. I can make the months payments and so I am hoping I can do this.


Wish me luck!!!

Readings and Musings

From middle class to homeless and the fight to survive

Read this interesting article today and it seriously opened my eyes to the plight facing the US today. More and more people who are hard working people are finding themselves with out homes and a way to survive. The woman this article features is about my age and that truly saddens me to no end. And yet I just saw on the news how we, the US are leaping to the aid of foreign countries when we can't even solve our own economic issues. This is a very sad day for me given that she, like so many others have so much to offer and the government has done nothing to fix it.

I'm also reading a book by Dog the Bounty Hunter and it's very fascinating to me since it's his second book and more focused on his life now that he has his show and the ups and downs it's caused for him and his family.