Rambles.....

I don't know why but for some reason I feel like rambling. Maybe it's because I've had a head ache for a few days, or because I over did it on food today, or because I'm really tired and should crawl into bed, but don't want to. But I do know that I've had a though going through my head for a few days now, everyone gets asked at least once in their life if they could go back and change anything, would they? Well for me at this point, my answer is: No, I wouldn't change a thing. Every ounce of pain, every tear I have shed, every drop of sweat that has fallen from my brow has helped make me who I am today. It has helped shape my life, my heart, my mind, and my soul. I would never have learned how to stand for myself, voice what I want and take what I want when I have earned it. With out that pain and suffering, I never would have learned how to savor the sweet things in life and with out those sweet things I wouldn't have anything to look forward to or remember when painful, scary, or stressful situations arise.

I've also come to the rather scary conclusion that I do truly love my boyfriend and that I do want to marry him... The reason this scares me is simple really, I don't want to fall for someone so hard and that deeply that I can become seriously hurt. What got me to come to this conclusion you ask? Well, I had a visit with my visiting teacher and she asked if the BF and I had talked of marriage. Truth be told, yes, have. It's normal in a young couple is discuss such things and it shows that we are both looking to be adult about our lives and not just "Go with the flow". I do actually want to get married again, despite the emotional pain that my first marriage was and the nightmare it became towards the end. Part of what holds me back is the fear of becoming a burden on someone again. I don't want someone else to have to take care of me after I just discovered my ability to stand on my own two feet.

Rant done for now. I may come back to this post again and add more as the time is needed.