From the lips of babes

http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a45719/gay-mormon-community/

She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matthew-fray/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288.html

Marriage Rights: Voting For the Obvious

Marriage Rights: Voting For the Obvious

            Just this year, SCOTUS has had many a case brought before it that can be deemed controversial. Gay Marriage Rights was finally ruled upon in a case called Obergefell v. Hodges. This was tied to five other cases of similar style calling for the Court to decide if homosexuals had the right to marry in the eyes of the law. The Court ruled that marriage is a right for all consenting adults be they homosexual or heterosexual (576 U.S. ___). This has caused a backlash all over the country from people who think that such actions are illegal and in their opinions against "God's Laws".

            Obergefell v. Hodges was years in the making, it started with DeBoer v Snyder (576 U.S. ___). This was a Michigan case that was filled in  2012 due to the couple being black balled from sharing parenthood of their son because they weren't in a legally recognized marriage (772 F.3d 388). Deboer's case was focused on the state's adoption laws but was refocused towards the marriage law as that was the true thing holding the couple back (772 F.3d 388).  This worked and the couple went on to sue the state claiming that anti-gay marriage laws were against the United States Constitution(772 F.3d 388). This snow balled into 5 cases making the equivalent of a class action law suit against the Fed under the claim that anti gay marriage laws violated people's rights under the Constitution. Obergefell came a year after in 2013 when one half of a gay marriage died and the other half requested that he be placed on the death certificate as his husband and surviving spouse (576 U.S. ___).

            The five cases were combined under the title Obergefell v. Hodges (576 U.S. ___). The claim was that the laws in each state violated the claimants 14th Amendment rights to Due Process and Equal Protection (576 U.S. ___). The court agreed with the petitioners and ruled that the Fed and states must recognize and issue same sex marriage licenses or violate the inherent spirit of the 14th Amendment. SCOTUS has a heavy burden each year while they are in session to analyze each case presented carefully and weigh the cost of agreeing with the petitioner or tossing the case out for precedent (576 U.S. ___).

            Over the past couple of years cases have been brought before the Supreme Court that have systematically destroyed all legal argument for denying two consenting adults under the spirit and heart of the United States Constitution. Obergefell and the various petitioners have been given the same rights as those in heterosexual relationships (576 U.S. ___). The Constitution cannot be taken literally or else laws on marriage wouldn't be allowed in the first place as the lack of writing upon them would create a void in the government. The Constitution has to be taken in the spirit it was written instead.

            The 14th Amendment states: " Section 1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws." (Cornell University Law School). The spirit of the law in this passage is how cases such as "Brown v. Board of Education" those cases were looked at not in the letter of the 14th Amendment, but in the spirit of the Amendment it guarantees each child, regardless of ethnicity or gender, an education that is the same as everyone else. There is no logical reason that marriage rights shouldn't fall under the same thought process as education. Before this case was put before the Supreme Court, the law couldn't legally tell two heterosexual adults they couldn't get married because of the color of their skin, that was ruled unconstitutional years before, gender is no different. In this case I agree with the majority that to deny homosexual couples the same right that their heterosexual counter parts enjoy each day is turning our back on the keystone of social order that marriage is in our country. I also agree with the majority that the idea of same sex marriage harming the marriages of straight couples is ridiculous and that no lasting harm can happen to any current or future heterosexual marriage by allowing same sex couples to marry (576 U.S. ___).

            Marriage is a fundamental right promised in the Constitution by its promise of the right to freedom and happiness for every person in this nation. By denying gay couples because of a small group's ideal of moral propriety is to thumb our noses at the spirit that was engrained into the very parchment our founding fathers wrote it on. By denying a portion of our nation the same rights that a majority of the nation gets is turning our backs on the basis of our society that all men are equal.

Resources

Cornell University Law School. (n.d.). 14th Amendment. Retrieved September 19, 2015, from https://www.law.cornell.edu/constitution/amendmentxiv

DeBoer v. Snyder, 772 F.3d 388 (6th Cir. 2014)

Obergefell v. Hodges 576 U.S. ___ (2015)

This won the internet for the day!

http://www.upworthy.com/she-grew-up-mormon-and-carried-a-big-secret-for-most-of-her-life?c=ufb1

A confession

So I have a confession to make. It's something that has been bothering me for a while now. Actually, my whole life. Consider it an OCD if you will. And it's one I wish people wouldn't take so lightly. This also counts as a phobia.

I have a fear/phobia/ocd about running out of money. When I consider my bills and the money I have in hand, if it doesn't add up to something in my pocket as emergency money, I panic. I don't just mean a few seconds of "Well, crap! Now what do I do?" I mean HOURS to DAYS of my mind spiraling down into the depths of my own personal hell of what could happen if I were to spend this money in my hand. AND IT NEVER EVER GOES AWAY.

I wake up freaked about the money I have and how to make it last and I fall asleep wondering how long I can make the money stretch. The worst part is, I am paid weekly and yet I can bring myself to spend every dime I have. I count my money, look at what I need to spend and promptly curl into a ball and cry about how close I am to being broke.

I've seen therapists and they have never been able to help me...EVER. Each tries a different tactic, from budget help to making me spend money thinking it will alleviate the fear. It only makes it worse.

People don't understand what this does to the mind. I can never relax about money, and I don't mean greed. I am not a greedy person, I don't want more money then I need to live comfortably and make sure all my bills are paid while still being able to have fun and go out occasionally. I mean the fear, the fear that spending money will mean I won't have it in the event of an emergency. I FEAR not being able to know I can cover an emergency like my car breaking down, or a get hurt, or I need something from the store for some reason.

People try to help, but saying that things will be ok, not to stress, that I'll get paid again, that money isn't everything, that I shouldn't worry about emergencies, this doesn't help. It only makes it worse. It reminds me I'm not normal, that people don't understand what I'm going through. People say they are there for me, that I won't go through things alone, but I am. No one can be there for me when they don't know what living in this personal hell is like. No one CAN EVER understand or be there for me unless they can actually BE in my head.

Earning more money doesn't help at all, it only makes it worse, because then I have to figure out how much needs to be saved and how much I can spend. Having someone else handle my finances only makes the melt downs more frequent as I suddenly have no idea what the hell is going on with my own money. Letting someone take care of me makes it worse because then I am no better then a leech on someone else's life.

NOTHING CAN EVER MAKE THIS BETTER! I WISH PEOPLE COULD UNDERSTAND THAT AND STOP TRYING TO SOLVE THE ISSUE!

I am so tired of always going with out, of always being in fear, of always feeling like I am being the responsible one, of always standing back while everyone else goes out and has fun. I am tired of being trapped alone in this hell that is my head. I am tired of everyone not getting it. I am tired of everyone acting like it's not a big deal. I am tired of being invisible. I am just tired of it all.

A piece of myself

A piece of myself.

When I got married, I had no idea what sex really was. Sure, I had read the romance novels. I knew it was gonna hurt to truly become a "woman". What I didn't expect was to find myself wanting more from the sexual side of my marriage.

That being said, my marriage wasn't great. It ended in a divorce since he couldn't keep his pecker in his pants nor could he not be verbally, mentally, and sexually abusive. I don't mean he did weird shit during sex. I mean he forced me into most of the time.

Before I was married I knew a bit about sex. Every girl reads romance novels, whether she wants to admit it or not. I read A LOT of them. I knew what happened in the bed room and let me tell ya, my ex refused to do anything. It was all about his pleasure since in his mind it was all about children. Even though I was in birth control.

Here's the kicker, in the church sex is barely talked about. In fact all we're told is it's between a man and a woman (Something I don't agree with. who you love is who you love LGBT rights are cool too.) and it's only good within the confines of marriage. They don't really explain anything after that. It's left to the couple to figure out what they like. I wanted to experiment once I was married. My ex did not. He was almost puritanical about it.

Needless to say I know I'm not into what is called "Vanilla Intimacy" I'm a bit of a person who is into the kink kind of lifestyle.

Wait, OMG the Mormon is talking about nonconventional sex! Everyone quick get all scared and self righteous!

Look, I never said I was a conventional Mormon. I'm a more free wheeling Mormon. I don't think that the world is as black and white as religion makes it.

But back to what I was saying. My marriage blew up. He decided he wanted greener pastures (see OLD WOMAN). I let him go but it really hurt my ego and my heart. I spent many months wondering what was so unattractive about me. But I moved on met a couple of lovers. None of which really helped. Sure they tried. One tried to pull the "I'm the Master and you're the Slave" crap on me. Don't get me wrong, that kind of life style is great but it's not for me.

I've discovered over some time and a bit of self reflection that I am more into the kink life style but not a polarized one. In this world I'm known as a switch. I am both Dominant and Submissive. Both Master and Slave. My ability to give over control is hard to get. It takes a lot of trust for me to give over control of any kind. Even when I do. I generally snatch it back fairly quickly by means of sarcasm.

I've debated on weither or not I would post this because of what I plan on doing with my life and what my religion states. But if I am going to fully overcome the scars by ex-husband and horrid ass ex-boyfriend have caused I am going to have speak about what I have gone through and what I have learned about myself.

I enjoy an intimate life with some D/s it. No, I don't like to be hit *rolls eyes*. No, I am not wanting to relive the abuse I went through as a child and as a wife. I simply enjoy certain things that most people find...strange.

My life is my own but I chose to share this as an act to therapy. I have trouble letting go of control. So much so that I don't even feel comfortable talking about losing control. So bear with me as I start to give more of myself. I love my new fiancé and its hard to give myself to him in any way. Affection is even hard due to fear of losing control...

More posts on this subject soon