From the lips of babes

http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a45719/gay-mormon-community/

This won the internet for the day!

http://www.upworthy.com/she-grew-up-mormon-and-carried-a-big-secret-for-most-of-her-life?c=ufb1

Every Mormon needs to read this.

http://rationalfaiths.com/combatting-cultural-lies-ambitious-lds-women/

First week

I've started a new job and walked away from my old one. I've also begun law school and man has it been nuts. I've already been given homework. My first assignment has been a lot harder then I thought. This writing assignment has tough, trying to explain one's own moral view is difficult, let alone trying to convince a trained attorney to take your side.  This assignment isn't easy and I am afraid I am sounding like a babbling idiot given I have no idea how to argue this subject.

Work has been fantastic. I've been making quota left and right and have already gone over the quota which makes me very happy.

just a short prayer...

My job interview is in less than 48 hours. I pray to God I get this job. He knows I need this to get my life on the proper track. I pray his will is in the path of mine and this job is my path in this next stage of my life.

SWEET!!!!

So I got all my grades back

All I have to say is awesome!!! I can't believe I did so well!!!!!! I was so stoked and my BF was so happy he made me a totally awesome diner of top sirloin and veggies that weekend! It was awesome!


My bankruptcy is almost over! Thank goodness! I've got one more court thing to go and I am home free. Though, this is about whether or not I have to pay the filing fee or not. I've got the income requirements and so long as they don't count my school money I should be in the clear for that as well. I'm looking forward to not having to filter calls from people I don't know that's for sure.

On the other plus side I might be getting a new car! I found a place willing to work with me if I can get a couple pieces of paper from the court. THe paper I need is just something that says when my bankruptcy will be discharged and that should be it. I seriously hope I can walk off that lot with a new car. It won't be too new though, it's a 2005 Toyota Prius for about 10 grand. I can make the months payments and so I am hoping I can do this.


Wish me luck!!!

Changes...

My relationship took a turn last night. Not sure if it's for good or bad though. Last night he said those three words, the words that terrify me to death and back again. He didn't expect to hear the words back, and he let me cry and make it clear I couldn't say those words yet. To be honest, I do care for him, deeply. But I can't bare to think that I may love him, nor do I think I can ever say the words... My lack of trust is terrible and it's starting to get better, but not at a speed I think it should be. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him already and that alone has kept me up all night as I still feel that he is going to eventually decide the waiting for physical intimacy isn't worth it and that I am not worth it. I've told him such and he tells me every time that it's not going to happen but I can't help but wonder... During our talking last night he confessed he did try to date someone else, for a one night stand and it didn't even work. He couldn't even kiss the woman. He says I've ruined him for other women and that sort of makes me feel really really good about myself.

The sad thing is, I still can't kiss him like he does me. Kissing is a very erotic thing for me, it's a massive turn on and when I start to respond with even the slightest amount of intensity, I freak out and pull away. I know it saddens him even if he says it doesn't and that he has plenty of patience to wait for me. But it hurts my heart to know I'm to afraid to open up to him and be who and what he wants me to be. He's happy with me being who I am but he's sad that I can't be at peace with our relationship or at least that's what I've inferred.

Must think more about all this, must read my heart....


As always I would love to hear your thoughts and comments if you would like to leave them ^_^

It's been a while

It's been a while since I posted. Been busy. Got into the university I applied for. Got my loans and stuff squared away and wound up in the hospital. All in one month. I'm better now, it was a pretty bad infection though. And thankfully it looks like it won't be coming back. Now it looks like I may have endometrisis though which sucks and has pretty much screwed any chances of me ever having children royally. I'm still looking for an SO but I'm in no hurry after all I'm just starting university this month, I have plenty of time to find someone to love me. I'm still plugging away at my various passions and that makes me atleast a bit happy. I also found a place to live on a permanent thing and that has taken a huge weight off my shoulders. Also my therapist thinks I may be able to reduce our sessions to once or twice a month but it's only an experiment. Well, I'll write more later, more then likely tomorrow, but who knows.