The Lunacy of Religion These Days

Thre greatest act of terrorism based on religion had to be the Crusades. For 400 years or more, the Catholic chruch sanctioned the systematic slaughter and terrorizing of the Muslims in Jerusalem for the sake of "protecting" the "holy land". 400 years of war over a strip of land and an ideal against a group that was meerly living in the space that another group from thousands of miles away thought belonged to them for some reason.

In modern society, I think Fundamental Christians are the largest terrorist group, they may not be a collective, but the groups generally have the same ideals and misconstrued notions of this country. There is a collective ideal to turn the nation into this religious ideal that each group thinks the nation was founded upon which is factually untrue. The US was founded by Deists, not Chrsitains. There is a HUGE fundamental difference between the two, one follows a regious ideal and the other follows a personal spiritual path. An example of this kind of terrorism would be the Quiverfull movement which avidly rails against higher education, schooling for girls, any use of family planning, or women's rights in anyway while avowing to be the best way to god and vowing that science is out to destroy the world. 

Another example would the FLDS groups which seek to destory the country from the inside out by having as many children as possible and "milk" the system of welfare. This is a group that believes that marriage to many women, even against their will is the only way to heaven and that they must have as many children as possible. Children don't go to school and women aren't allowed many rights if any.

West Bourogh Baptist is also a group one can call a terrorist group given their systematic attacks on LGBTQ and soldier's funerals as well as many famous people such as Vince Gill and Foo Fighters for the sake of scaring people into the arms of "god".

For all these groups, religion is the soul of why they do what they do and why they torture the minds of those around them with their false and horrible ideals.

http://www.history.com/topics/crusades

https://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/extremist-files/group/fundamentalist-church-jesus-christ-latter-day-saints

http://gawker.com/quiverfull-of-shit-a-guide-to-the-duggars-scary-brand-1706557073

https://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/extremist-files/group/westboro-baptist-church

https://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/extremist-files/group/westboro-baptist-church

A piece of myself

A piece of myself.

When I got married, I had no idea what sex really was. Sure, I had read the romance novels. I knew it was gonna hurt to truly become a "woman". What I didn't expect was to find myself wanting more from the sexual side of my marriage.

That being said, my marriage wasn't great. It ended in a divorce since he couldn't keep his pecker in his pants nor could he not be verbally, mentally, and sexually abusive. I don't mean he did weird shit during sex. I mean he forced me into most of the time.

Before I was married I knew a bit about sex. Every girl reads romance novels, whether she wants to admit it or not. I read A LOT of them. I knew what happened in the bed room and let me tell ya, my ex refused to do anything. It was all about his pleasure since in his mind it was all about children. Even though I was in birth control.

Here's the kicker, in the church sex is barely talked about. In fact all we're told is it's between a man and a woman (Something I don't agree with. who you love is who you love LGBT rights are cool too.) and it's only good within the confines of marriage. They don't really explain anything after that. It's left to the couple to figure out what they like. I wanted to experiment once I was married. My ex did not. He was almost puritanical about it.

Needless to say I know I'm not into what is called "Vanilla Intimacy" I'm a bit of a person who is into the kink kind of lifestyle.

Wait, OMG the Mormon is talking about nonconventional sex! Everyone quick get all scared and self righteous!

Look, I never said I was a conventional Mormon. I'm a more free wheeling Mormon. I don't think that the world is as black and white as religion makes it.

But back to what I was saying. My marriage blew up. He decided he wanted greener pastures (see OLD WOMAN). I let him go but it really hurt my ego and my heart. I spent many months wondering what was so unattractive about me. But I moved on met a couple of lovers. None of which really helped. Sure they tried. One tried to pull the "I'm the Master and you're the Slave" crap on me. Don't get me wrong, that kind of life style is great but it's not for me.

I've discovered over some time and a bit of self reflection that I am more into the kink life style but not a polarized one. In this world I'm known as a switch. I am both Dominant and Submissive. Both Master and Slave. My ability to give over control is hard to get. It takes a lot of trust for me to give over control of any kind. Even when I do. I generally snatch it back fairly quickly by means of sarcasm.

I've debated on weither or not I would post this because of what I plan on doing with my life and what my religion states. But if I am going to fully overcome the scars by ex-husband and horrid ass ex-boyfriend have caused I am going to have speak about what I have gone through and what I have learned about myself.

I enjoy an intimate life with some D/s it. No, I don't like to be hit *rolls eyes*. No, I am not wanting to relive the abuse I went through as a child and as a wife. I simply enjoy certain things that most people find...strange.

My life is my own but I chose to share this as an act to therapy. I have trouble letting go of control. So much so that I don't even feel comfortable talking about losing control. So bear with me as I start to give more of myself. I love my new fiancé and its hard to give myself to him in any way. Affection is even hard due to fear of losing control...

More posts on this subject soon

Sad day...

So today is a sad day for me. Not for a personal reason, but because I realized how sad many people I consider to be my friends really are. A friend of mine got married to a guy after dating him for 5 months. They were only married for a couple of years before she moved back home and started divorce proceedings. To cap it off, she is already dating another guy, her divorce isn't final I might add, saying this one is the love of her life and how happy they are and how he is the greatest thing to ever happen to her... This saddens me because it's a glaring example of how people my age rush into marriage, and when things get bumpy, rather than fix things or work on them, they just throw it away and run back home to mummy and daddy. They go from claiming to have the perfect marriage to trying to smear campaign each other into humiliation and it greatly depresses me because they chose to leap into a marriage and yet don't have the maturity to fight for it when real life proves to be difficult to make it as adults with out the parents to pay for everything or give them money when ever they ask.

This particular girl has already moved back home, into her old room, gotten mummy and daddy to buy all new stuff for her to decorate with and has begun to "Flaunt" her new life for all to see. She acts as though it all never happened and that her life is once again perfect and untouched. She has gotten her parents to do more now for her then before she had been married and it's just a sad realization that marriage is dying because people have an overly romanticized view of what marriage is going to be like.

Marriage is hard work, no matter how strong you think your relationship is, once living together, paying bills and no longer having much in the way of private time exists, things become hard work. You have to work a lot to make things smooth and always be willing to discuss things and work them out.

They have a saying to never go to bed angry, but in reality, going to bed upset can help things come morning. Once both people have slept and have had a chance to calm down, it's easier to talk things out with out having ruffled and puffed out feathers to pick at.

Rambles.....

I don't know why but for some reason I feel like rambling. Maybe it's because I've had a head ache for a few days, or because I over did it on food today, or because I'm really tired and should crawl into bed, but don't want to. But I do know that I've had a though going through my head for a few days now, everyone gets asked at least once in their life if they could go back and change anything, would they? Well for me at this point, my answer is: No, I wouldn't change a thing. Every ounce of pain, every tear I have shed, every drop of sweat that has fallen from my brow has helped make me who I am today. It has helped shape my life, my heart, my mind, and my soul. I would never have learned how to stand for myself, voice what I want and take what I want when I have earned it. With out that pain and suffering, I never would have learned how to savor the sweet things in life and with out those sweet things I wouldn't have anything to look forward to or remember when painful, scary, or stressful situations arise.

I've also come to the rather scary conclusion that I do truly love my boyfriend and that I do want to marry him... The reason this scares me is simple really, I don't want to fall for someone so hard and that deeply that I can become seriously hurt. What got me to come to this conclusion you ask? Well, I had a visit with my visiting teacher and she asked if the BF and I had talked of marriage. Truth be told, yes, have. It's normal in a young couple is discuss such things and it shows that we are both looking to be adult about our lives and not just "Go with the flow". I do actually want to get married again, despite the emotional pain that my first marriage was and the nightmare it became towards the end. Part of what holds me back is the fear of becoming a burden on someone again. I don't want someone else to have to take care of me after I just discovered my ability to stand on my own two feet.

Rant done for now. I may come back to this post again and add more as the time is needed.

Christmas holidays....

Christmas was a blast! I got awesome things! I got this beautiful watch and sweater from the BFs mom, a wonderful skein of yarn from his sister and bro in law, a great dvd from the BF, and a book from his mum again! It was great! I may have only gotten a few gifts but I loved them all and the thought that was put into them. I did the same, only I got everyone a single gift. Except the BF and his nephews. I got the boys a gift to share and the BF's present had little goodies in it. In his body pillow, there was chocolate and a dvd for him to watch lol. Over all Christmas was great! Hope all my readers had a great one as well.

Just a note, I would really love to hear from the people who have read my blog thus far. It would really mean a lot to me if someone were to tell me what they thought of my words as they come out.

Toodles!

Changes...

My relationship took a turn last night. Not sure if it's for good or bad though. Last night he said those three words, the words that terrify me to death and back again. He didn't expect to hear the words back, and he let me cry and make it clear I couldn't say those words yet. To be honest, I do care for him, deeply. But I can't bare to think that I may love him, nor do I think I can ever say the words... My lack of trust is terrible and it's starting to get better, but not at a speed I think it should be. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him already and that alone has kept me up all night as I still feel that he is going to eventually decide the waiting for physical intimacy isn't worth it and that I am not worth it. I've told him such and he tells me every time that it's not going to happen but I can't help but wonder... During our talking last night he confessed he did try to date someone else, for a one night stand and it didn't even work. He couldn't even kiss the woman. He says I've ruined him for other women and that sort of makes me feel really really good about myself.

The sad thing is, I still can't kiss him like he does me. Kissing is a very erotic thing for me, it's a massive turn on and when I start to respond with even the slightest amount of intensity, I freak out and pull away. I know it saddens him even if he says it doesn't and that he has plenty of patience to wait for me. But it hurts my heart to know I'm to afraid to open up to him and be who and what he wants me to be. He's happy with me being who I am but he's sad that I can't be at peace with our relationship or at least that's what I've inferred.

Must think more about all this, must read my heart....


As always I would love to hear your thoughts and comments if you would like to leave them ^_^

Falling

It's almost scary that I'm falling again. Only a man could get me this all tied up in knots... It scares the hell outta me. Opening my heart to another is just plain the scariest thing I can think of.